02 February 2006


Remember when you were single? All you had to worry about was yourself. And now you've probably got 2+ others depending on you for air, lol. Remember when it was okay to be self centered? Like on your wedding day, for example. Perfect dress, perfect hair, perfect make-up, perfect flowers, perfect reception, perfect attendants, perfect gifts (that you even picked out yourself). Remember when you and your husband had the freedom to choose which restaurant you wanted to eat at... based on what you were in the mood for and not whether or not the atmosphere was conducive to children? Remember when you got pregnant with your first? You took your pregnancy test in the middle of the day and when it came out positive you wondered if it was telling the truth. Nevermind that you were 2 weeks "late". Remember when you could go to the library and browse for an hour for the perfect book? Now you grab whatever catches your eye and seems the right thickness. Then you get to the children's section before your kids change their mind about being there at all. You then manage to balance 50 books on one arm as you hold two little hands and push a stroller to the checkout counter, hopefully in one trip. Remember when casual dress was a nice button down blouse and no-tie shoes? Or (gasp) a skirt? Remember when you could go to the bathroom whenever you wanted? Remember when you could sleep from night until morning without interruption? Remember when you truly learned something at church every Sunday?

Well, try. Try to remember your life even before that. Realize that all the transitions you've made have been fulfilling in ways you never imagined. Remember what you've learned from your childhood, that sharing your life with someone else is comforting, that stepping outside of yourself is grounding, that patience is a virtue, that raising children means creating the future.

I'm not sure I covet anything from my past. I've already experienced it, enjoyed it, gotten all I could out of it and benefitted from it. I know that things will eventually come full circle; that I will get out of life what I've put into it... but only if I keep going, enduring, growing, balancing.

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."

T.S. Eliot


ShelahBooksIt said...

thanks for that, Lei, because a lot of times I'm not sure that I do remember.

Andrea said...

Oh yes, i remember all right. Too well probably! Thankfully we still eat where ever we want. I like that we still have that luxury, if you can call it that! lol

Lee said...

It is good to remember that sometimes, isn't it? Thanks for the awesome post!

emlouisa said...

Good reminder! I WOULD, however, like a good nights sleep sometime. It will happen again, right? Promise?

smartmama said...

but funny how your forget what it was like-- mom life becomes the standard frame of reference---
I miss staying up late and knowing you could sleep in...