Me, scared?

I am suddenly aware that I have stepped into the land of "beyond"... beyond "normal", beyond "practical". Let me explain. Most of my recent conversations have gone like this... "Hey, Leilani... how are you feeling?" (with a sympathetic head tilt). "Fine, thanks for asking!", I try to answer cheerily and confidently. Then comes, "So, are you scared (about having another baby, and not just any baby, but a 4th baby)?" And I immediately begin to rethink my answer to their first question, lol.

What is this unnamed fear being projected on me? Is it societal pressure to keep families small and perfect (which, I guess, is a maximum of 3 children)? Is it a question of my physical capabilities? Or my mental faculties? I kind of feel like my girlfriends are watching me very closely right now, studiously taking notes. Perhaps they want me to lead them. Yes, that's it! I am pioneering a whole host of women here who can't decide whether or not to have a 4th child. And the pressure is on me to show them that it isn't as terrifying as it seems.

Oy. If only they knew... let me let you in on my shameful little plan of survival. I've been shopping. Have you seen the adorable little things they make for girls these days? It's irresistable, I tell you. Anyway, I will continue to shop and stifle my unknown fear and I will find the cutest outfits you ever did see (because I'm clever, and I have that gift of spotting a deal a mile away). And when my incredibly stressful, sleep depriving bundle of pink #4 arrives, these sweet little outfits will get me through each crazy, new, unpredicatble day (or night). And all will be right in my world.

How's that for pioneering? ;-)