I got a promotion!

Well, my husband got a promotion, but isn't it the same thing? When his pager goes off, we both wake up. Actually, I wake up and then spend 10 minutes waking him up. (And another 10 falling back asleep, but who's counting) When he works overtime, I work overtime. What he makes, I spend. So, yeah, we got a promotion! Yahoo! In honor of this great day, I want to do a top 10.

10) getting over the flu (yeah, puking at 22 weeks = not much fun)
9) signs of spring
8) sonic's new smoothees
7) new maternity clothes (as in holeless!)
6) going out of town this weekend with the girls
5) refurbishing the old family heirloom piano so my daughter can take lessons
4) son #2 singing "e-i-e-i-o" to Old MacDonald (he is only 16 months old; yes I am bragging)
3) son #1 telling me "I love the baby in your tummy" (music to my years since he hated the last one)
2) daughter reading/devouring everything in sight
1) promotions, of course :)

Who inspires you?

One of my dearest friends did an amazing thing this past weekend. Actually, it wasn't that amazing for her, because she is capable of anything. But to the rest of us who sit back in awe and watch her - it was amazing. She is a talented musician, artist, writer. She is a kindred spirit and a wise soul. And she is a survivor. I cannot say enough good things about this woman. I will just show you how incredible she is. This past weekend we had our Stake Relief Society Conference and my dear friend was an integral part of it. Our theme was "Born for Glory". Have a look at what she handmade for each and every attendant... this truly is a one of a kind creation.


Not only that, but she wrote this to accompany each plaque:

She is born for Glory,
A daughter of God and
A hard-working woman,
Out of sight she balances faith.
Her worn apron speaks,
On its strings testimonies will hang.
Women walk silently.
Truth keeps her garden,
His whisper speaks,
Honor becoming to the Light.

She hand signed each one as well.

I feel so blessed to know this woman, and not just to know her but to be close to her and to be able to draw strength from her. She is such an inspiration to me. I hope you all are so lucky to know someone like this, or be this to someone else.

slang

There has been a general trend over the past 25 years or so to put positive meanings to seemingly negative words. I am not up on all the lingo, but some examples are: bad, wicked, phat, and whack.

Well, last night at dinner, my daughter came up with her own. We were eating a high class meal, to which she commented "This is nasty yummy!"(much in the same way you would decribe something as "wicked"). Now, unless I misunderstood that toothless grin of hers (or someone has actually told her what is IN Kraft macaroni and chesse) she was complimenting the chef. In slang, of course.

Yes, I make some nasty mac-n-cheese. Totally whack. And I am proud of it. :)

The fountain of youth...

... are we ever NOT looking for it? I can think of maybe two times in my life when I didn't wish I was "younger" (at least, in the physical sense)... that would be when I was a teenager, and when I went to college. As a teenager, like most of my peers, I thought I knew it all; I hated being treated like a child. It would have been dreadful to have to relive a single second of my past life. When I got to college I had my first taste of freedom. In fact, I didn't want to be any age except for the age I was, at that very time. The idea was to live completely in the moment.

My almost 7 year old is in pursuit of this mythological unravelling of time. I didn't really understand it at first; she's the oldest and therefore has "responsiblity", a term that makes her feel very special. In the last couple of years she's proudly stated her age to anyone who would listen - the pizza man, the check out girl, random house visitors - completely proud of her stage in life. She's allowed to make some of her own decisions, like what to wear. She can get her own snacks. She can decorate her own room. She can walk to our neighbor's house by herself. She can write her name. She can read. In fact, there's hardly anything she CAN'T do. Her younger brothers definitely aspire to be like her, to do these things that they begin to fight for at the ripe old age of 2. So, why would she suddenly want to be younger, especially after surviving the birth of not one, but two younger brothers with the greatest of ease, and embracing her development into a perfect young lady? The explanation lies on a burp cloth, my friends. Yes, it is true. See for yourself:

(I bought these, by the way - aren't they adorable?)

When you are a baby, it IS all about you, apparently a feeling we covet again and again throughout our mortal lives. My daughter is feeling replaced by a younger, spoilbound version of herself, and is therefore developping feelings of rivalry. I suppose there was no competition in having little brothers. She still had her own image, which resembled everything opposite of them. Now, that image is going to be shared by a new little center stage piggy. We've been pouring through her old baby clothes, redoing the nursery in colors very similar to those in her own room, discussing names. This world is no longer her own, the world of being the daughter. No wonder she wishes she could turn back time, much like we look back at our younger abled selves and yearn to relive the past.

One can hardly blame her.

Wild Card Wednesday...

So Wednesdays are going to be my off the wall entry day. The topic may be anything about nothing, a poll, unorganized thoughts... whatever comes to my mind! And the more different the entry is from the day before or the day after, the better. :)

So, let's begin, shall we?

Okay, there is one thing in my life that I don't think I could ever live without. The most ingenious creation known to man. Something I would probably have on hand even if I randomly woke up on a deserted island, because I never leave home without them. I bet you think you know what it is my smart, smart friends. But you're probably in for a surprise here, or maybe disappointment, because what I'm referring to is wet wipes, in all their simple glory. Are they the most versatile product ever? I think so! I'm not sure how I ever survived my pre-children life without them. Now, there are probably a thousand uses for wet wipes that I have not yet discovered, after all they are near perfect, but here's a list of what I've tried and tested, with 100% success. Prepare. to be. amazed:

cleaning floorboards
removing almost any stain from clothing
getting tennies white again
cleaning the bed of my flip slops to remove dirty footprints
cleaning smudges off of upholstery
getting stains out of the carpet
cleaning gucky noses
giving quick sponge baths (not me, the baby:))
spot cleaning my kitchen floor

As much as I'd like for everyone to believe that I slave over my tile and wood floors, or that dust never falls on my floorboards, or that I have my children trained to never ever spill, or get boogars, or get food anywhere on their faces, I believe in honesty, and in giving credit where credit is due. So. Share all your easy wet wipe secrets with the blogoshpere. Right here. Right now. Please don't hold back ;).

NOT my finest moment!

So my center of gravity has officially shifted now at 20 weeks. That does not help matters since I already fit the stereotype of a clumsy dancer perfectly. Today was another cold, wet day. So I was in a hurry to get in the house after being out all morning. No sooner than I closed the front door behind me did I get swept off my feet - and no, not in that romantic way but in the painfully physical way. Did I forget to mention that I was holding my 16 month old? Yes, that makes things more interesting now, doesn't it? Oh, and tile, too. We have tile. So I dropped my baby on the tile floor! I completely twisted my ankle and scraped my elbow trying to prevent it, but to no avail. Adrenaline pumping, I immediately scooped him up off the floor and held him close, hoping somehow I'd imagined the whole thing. But the wailing began and I knew he was hurt. All I could do was rock him and cry with him and of course tell him how sorry I was (as well as curse the weather, the tile, my lightfootedness...) He's okay, the poor thing. Not a bump that I can see, which is a miracle, because I saw and heard the thud in slow motion. I'm certain I will relive it in my sleep tonight, because I feel like an unfit mother. I mean that both figuratively and literally. There is the mere fact that I let go of my child and there is the burgeoning belly that is taking over my body. I have to regain control somehow! I began exercising again this week after a mandatory break (because of some bleeding I was having). Hopefully that will help me feel more grounded and get my feet more firmly planted! I'm not so sure it will stave my intense craving for sugar, though. Control the number of pounds I gain though, perhaps. Perhaps.

Opposites attract

One of my favorite shows to catch when I am folding laundry is Dharma and Greg. My husband and I are opposites, much like they are. I showed him how to separate plastics for recycling, he showed me how to use a computer (and I bet some days he wishes he hadn't ;)). I'm liberal, he is conservative. I am right-brained, he is left-brained.

If I had married another artist, it never would have worked, even though I'd always thought that you should end up with the one you had the most in common with. I'm pretty sure it's better to have one passionate person in the house than two. There seems to be a very good balance this way, but it is interesting the ways in which we have adapted to one another's thinking! The minute Andrew and I began dating seriously, I saw a gradual change in myself, or a pull in his direction... I became more organized, I took an interest in keeping house. I just felt more "together" and definitely ready for more than previous relationships had inspired in me. And you know, it wasn't anything he said or did. Andrew admits he felt the same kind of pull towards me and the things that made me light up. He took me to museums and performances and on picnics for our dates, whereas he had previously been a "dinner and a movie" kind of guy. And he began to feel a little more carefree around me.

So, I am grateful for our ying and yang relationship. We compliment one another. We respect the differences we bring to this union. And I think our children have a lot to learn from the two of us together.

Yes, we make an incredibly brilliant duo. :)

Mother Figures

I've been thinking a lot about mother figures lately. My brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first baby. My sister-in-law's mother is so not happy about it. In fact, she hasn't even congratulated them (having anticipated this reaction, they announced the pregnancy via a card). I guess she wanted her daughter, who is a very talented opera singer, to pursue the "greater" things in life first. As I tried to find comforting words for my sister-in-law in regards to all this I began thinking of the way in which our need for mothers changes throughout our lives - especially once we, ourselves, begin the journey of motherhood. It can be a very difficult transition. I mean, at what point exactly do you stop being someone's child or stop needing your mother? And yet, we know we have to cut the apron strings sometime.

I had a very toxic relationship with my mother, one that unfortunately didn't resolve until she passed away. But I went through a mourning process long before she ended her life. I was encouraged in counselling to seek out nurturing relationships with other mother figures, and that this would help me fill the void I suddenly felt upon severing ties with my real mother. I had absolutely no idea where to begin this process! With interviews? "Hi, um, I admire you... would you be willing to take me under your wing?" Lol. But what I soon realized is that mother figures had been in my life all along. And I could draw strength from the already exisiting relationships I had. There was no need to create new ones, nor did they all need to be "motherly". My best friends for instance - always by my side. Like jewels, I tell you. They have definitely nurtured me. In fact, if I really think about it, I feel like Lily in the Secret Life of Bees, for "I have more mothers than any eight girls off the street."

I have come across women who could benefit from this realization. Women like my sister-in-law who are bound in codependant or broken relationships. And I just really hope she finds the strength and the love and the acceptance she needs in the powerful examples that lie all around her.

I Belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Thanks to Marla for the inspiration behind today's title, a clear admission of who I am and what I believe.

Anyway, as promised today is the day! Drumroll, please... I am going to tell you the truth about all my lies! (Insert "Little Lies" by Fleetwood Mac here for background effect)

1. I love, love, love to exercise. Actually, I don't. I do it, though.
2. My husband and I met on a blind date. TRUE! We were set up by my roomate and his friend, who just happened to be best friends. I was pursuing a mission for my church at the time and he was the 3rd blind date my friends had set me up on that month in an effort to remind me that I wasn't entering a convent, lol! The first two blind dates were anything but fun, and my attitude about the third one was pretty sour. In fact I wore overalls because I was too comfortable to change into anything sassy. Karma got her revenge on me... because we hit it off so well that he took me back to his parents' house later that night to introduce me to them!
3. I've never had a cavity in my life! Half true - I just found out I have 4. My FIRST 4, though. I have not made an appointment to have them filled yet. We'll discuss my abhorrance of dentists later.
4. I am 1/4 Hawaiian. 1/4 Italian, actually. But I'll explain why I have a Hawaiian name for inquiring minds. My mom was born there and felt genuinely connected to the culture. My best friend growing up was Hawaiian, we celebrated Hawaiian style, I learned to hula at the age of 5 and began performing with my mother (who later went on to compete in the well known Merrie Monarch Festival), and eventaully had the opportuntiy to live in the islands after we had our first child.
5. I hate sports because I am no good at them. I love sports and am okay at them. :) I played softball for 10 years and enjoyed basketball, but both my viola teacher and my mother were afraid they were going to have to insure my fingers if I got too involved.

So, Zoe (you can breathe now) and Rachelle got it right! Good for you girls!!!

True Colors

One of my favorite songs of all time, by Cyndi Lauper:

You with the sad eyes don't be discouraged
oh I realize it's hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you
can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful like a rainbow

Show me a smile then don't be unhappy,
can't remember when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy
and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up
because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid
to let them show your true colors
true colors are beautiful like a rainbow

When I was a little girl I would have told anyone who asked that my favorite color was purple. But it was really my mother's favorite color, who I'd spend my whole life impressing. I didn't really know what MY favorite color was.

The use of Cyndi Lauper's song in the new Dove commercial, promoting their campaign for real beauty and introducing their self esteem fund for girls, moves me to tears. I wish I could shield my children from the intimidating forces of the world, preventing second thoughts to anyone else's opinion of them. I see the menacing world my daughter, especially, is entering (she is almost 7). According to Mary Pipher in Reviving Ophelia (fascinating book, btw), "Many (adolescent girls) lose spark, interest, and even IQ points as a 'girl-poisoning' society forces a choice between being shunned for staying true to oneself and struggling to stay within a narrow definition of female."

I was a bit of an outcast in my pre-teen years, so I can relate to this all too well (and that was 2 decades ago). But I didn't have much time to worry about it with all my artistic pursuits and my strong roots in religion. I do feel I owe a great deal of this "rise above" to my mother, not that she ever took the time to talk with me about "my world" (as I've explained, she was a very domineering woman, unwavering in her ideals), but she accomplished that alluring and amazing goal of motherhood. All her children are strong, disciplined, accomplished and stable.

As I approach a delicate time in my children's life and feel the need to arm them, I struggle to find the right level of expectations for them. I see the positive influence all my endeavors had on me, yet I could never pressure them at home as I was pressured. To me, that is just shifting the difficulties teens face from one world - where there are no emotional attachments quite yet - to another world, where they should feel that very security.

It took me several years of introspection, therapy, and searching to find my true colors in the person my mother wanted me to be, but I have found that good part and have gratitude for the experience as a whole. I've gone from a timid girl who was well rounded but unsure of herself to an assertive woman with a clear picture of who she is and what she has to offer. I certainly won't be paving the same course for my children, but the end goal is the same... to help them find their true colors and let them shine.

Oops - missed this one!

Rachelle tagged me to do this meme a week ago and I totally forgot about it until now! I've probably botched up the order here, but I'm pretty sure I'm the last one in this round to complete it.

1) Teacher going Mad
2) Saras always right
3) ProfessorMe
4) Musicalmom
5) According to Lei

Select 5 people to tag:
I think most of MOFs have been tagged, so I'll choose one beautiful new face :)

~*~Zoe~*~

Okay, now for the goods.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
just shy of 10 years ago, my husband and I met for the first time!

What were you doing 1 year ago?
pretty much the same thing I am doing now, except I wasn't pg, which means I was probably doing it faster :)

Five snacks you enjoy:
cereal
chocolate
fruit energy bars
almost any flavor bread (as long as it's fresh)
pb on anything

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
Language or the Kiss - Indigo Girls
End of the World - REM (impressed?)
Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World - Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole
A Mother's Prayer - sung by many different artists... Josh Groban and Charlotte Church is my fave version
songs by U2

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
travel to no end
buy a strad
build my own recording studio and
performing arts school
spend outrageous amounts on genuine art

Five bad habits:
scratching my scalp
leaving the shower door ajar
cleaning my ears with q-tips
using all the cutlery in one day
forgetting to floss

Five things you like doing:
making music
reading
dancing my heart out
gardening
entertaining

Five things you would never wear again:
fluorescent colors or
splatter paint
bows
socks that match my shirt
high tops

Five favorite toys:
my laptop
my new nikon
my kitchenaid mixer
my broiler (how better to cheat campfire-roasted marshmellows?)
my photo printer

Less is more

My dear husband has argued from time to time that I baby my babies (and maybe my mother-in-law agrees since she sent me an autographed copy of "Confessions of a Slacker Mom" for Christmas). I think he is right to an extent. I enjoy doing things for them that maybe I don't NEED to. I wonder if there is anything wrong with it, though? Unless of course I am still wiping them when they're 8 years old. Granted, I tie my 6 year old's shoes for her knowing full well she could be learning to do so on her own. I still cut up my almost 4 year old's food at dinner so he won't choke (he's a mouth stuffer). My 1 year old cannot resist climbing all over my slowly diminishing lap the minute I sit down on the sofa and could probably stand to learn some independence from me. These are the times when this accusation most often comes up, and usually while I am giving him the "help me, please" look (which is not usually met with help, unless there are tears; afterall I made this bed).

Okay, so I love my children. A LOT. I mean, I can't help it! They are the cutest, sweetest, most amazing children in the world and I would do anything for them! And until all their decadent glorious chub has been taken over by preschoolian metabolism it's virtually impossible not to devour them (funny there's such a strong correlation to food here, lol). There's a bonus in this outpouring of love, though - they are very affectionate and thoughtful little people... And not just towards me and daddy, but their friends and relatives, even children they meet on the sand. It really is one of their most outstanding features.

Perhaps some of my babying stems from having an overbearing mother (though I'd like to think I've made some incredibly necessary improvements on her example). With the best of intentions, she would embellish our school projects long after we'd gone to bed (yeah, I know), pick out our well matched school clothes (I'm talking well into our elementary years) , get each and every sniffle diagnosed right away, make sure we had the best calculators, dictionaries, books or any other school supply and tool. On the flipside she was extremely demanding, accepting no less than perfection, but that is a different discussion entirely and the part that I have definitely improved upon. :-)

Anyway, my point is, maybe it is time to back off a bit. Be more of a "Bring-it-on" mom (as per this quiz). See what happens. Chances are they'll be fine without me tucking in their shirts 10 times a day, right? Lol. I mean, I wanted so badly to let Drew rip into that frosted cookie at Jonah's class party yesterday, but instead I folded it up neatly in a napkin and waited until we could go home. And strip down. And put his highchair out on the backporch. Who knows, this could lead to really great non-OCD, therapeutic adventures, like the delightful feeling of peanut butter all over your body (see MOF Linsey's son - and btw, I could learn a lot from you girl!). And I wouldn't have a conniption over it, but rather take the time to capture the moment on film and laugh about it later.

I really do need to have some of those moments to blackmail them with later anyway, right?

;-)

Tagged

This is the blog version of "Liar, Liar". I post 5 things you may not know about me, but only 1 of them is true (and you, of course, have to guess which one that is)!

Fun, huh? Let's see how well you know me...

1. I love, love, love to exercise.

2. My husband and I met on a blind date.

3. I've never had a cavity in my life!

4. I am 1/4 Hawaiian.

5. I hate sports because I am no good at them.

Your Inner Child

Sometimes the joy of motherhood is in the little and silly things... letting the kids pile into your bed for storytime, having an impromptu dance party (complete with all your shameless favorites, which they will likely love, though not for long), meeting them for lunch at school, playing cupid on Valentine's Eve. I like to think I'm a kid at heart and that it makes me a better mom. I still get thrills out of swings and paint and cookie dough.

Ever heard of Sark? She's famous for her "How to be an Artist" posters. My personal favorite, however, is her "How to Really Love a Child":

Be there. Say yes as often as possible. Let them bang on pots and pans. If they're crabby, put them in water. If they're unlovable, love yourself. Realize how important it is to be a child. Go to a movie theatre in your pajamas. Read books out loud with joy. Invent pleasures together. Remember how really small they are. Giggle a lot. Surprise them. Say no when necessary. Teach feelings. Heal your own inner child. Learn about parenting. Hug trees together. Make loving safe. Bake a cake and eat it with no hands. Go find elephants and kiss them. Plan to build a rocketship. Imagine yourself magic. Make lots of forts with blankets. Let your angel fly. Reveal your own dreams. Search out the positive. Keep the gleam in your eye. Mail letters to God. Encourage silly. Plant licorice in your garden. Open up. Stop yelling. Express your love. A lot. Speak kindly. Paint their tennis shoes. Handle with caring.

Children are miraculous.

I highly recommend those in boldface. They've worked well for us :-).

I think that if we take the time to think like a child, we cannot help but be happy. Have you ever physically gotten down on their level and looked at the world through their eyes? It sure is a different place. Suddenly life seems adventurous and amusing (assuming we allow that).

Of course, it also explains why tables and chandeliers are so enticing.

Bloggerettes, celebrate with me!

I've surprisingly been nominated for "Most Thought-Provoking Blog" by One Woman's World (check out the darling icon... I should receive an award JUST for getting that to show up, lol)!

No long speech *insert your eyeroll*, just many thanks to whomever found my ramblings worth noting!

This seals the deal on the experiment for me, girls... I AM a blogger!!!

Oh, and if you'd like to cast your vote, go to http://onewomansworld.blogsome.com/2006/02/07/hello-world/ for more info.

Who do you love?

In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd dedicate a song to my husband. We don't have a signature tune to mark the first time we met or fell in love or even danced. We have something better, in my opinion, and it is special to us because of where we first heard it. It was in Germany in December of 2000. This was our first romantic getaway sans children after getting married, and the theme song of that trip has become quite meaningful to us over the years since.

By Your Side, Sade
You think I'd leave your side baby
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave you down when your down on your knees
I wouldn't do that
I'll tell you you're right when you want
And if only you could see into me

Oh when your cold
I'll be there
Hold you tight to me

When you're on the outside
baby and you can't get in
I will show you you're so much
better than you know
When your lost and you're alone
and you can't get back again
I will find you darling and
I'll bring you home

And if you want to cry
I am here to dry your eyes
And in no time
You'll be fine

Let's all tap into our giddy days of yore and answer: Who do you love and what song would you dedicate to them?

Wanted: a dull day

I am in need of one long, boring day - with nowhere to be, nothing pressing to be done, no reason to be presentable, and no need to think... about anything. Yes, it has been one of those weeks. 2 weeks, actually. I have had something going on every single day! Doctor appointments, therapy appointments, church meetings, and tommorrow, surgery even (my baby is getting tubes) !

I have a stack of library books, a freshly made bed in a freshly clean bedroom and a pack of Dove chocolates calling my name! Oh how I'd love to spend the entire day with all 3! Oh, how I need it! But if I'm lucky, I'll get a couple measly hours tonight before bed (all the while fighting to stay awake and enjoy this much anticipated and well deserved moment of peace and quiet)! I'm sure you can all commiserate.

I enjoy being on the go. I truly do. So, there is irony in my wish, because if I did have a dull day, I'd probably go nuts. Worse nuts than me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off this morning to: get the kids ready for school, make taco soup, dress up, drop Drew off to a sitter's with provisions for a 3 hour stay, and be at the Stake Center by 10am for a Stake Primary Luncheon that I've been organizing for the last 2 weeks (yes - all this in addition to the forementioned responsibilities). While there is bliss in relaxation and freedom, I get a boost from the crazy busy life that keeps me driven and feeling useful.

I guess this is the oxymoron of every mom's life!

Me, scared?

I am suddenly aware that I have stepped into the land of "beyond"... beyond "normal", beyond "practical". Let me explain. Most of my recent conversations have gone like this... "Hey, Leilani... how are you feeling?" (with a sympathetic head tilt). "Fine, thanks for asking!", I try to answer cheerily and confidently. Then comes, "So, are you scared (about having another baby, and not just any baby, but a 4th baby)?" And I immediately begin to rethink my answer to their first question, lol.

What is this unnamed fear being projected on me? Is it societal pressure to keep families small and perfect (which, I guess, is a maximum of 3 children)? Is it a question of my physical capabilities? Or my mental faculties? I kind of feel like my girlfriends are watching me very closely right now, studiously taking notes. Perhaps they want me to lead them. Yes, that's it! I am pioneering a whole host of women here who can't decide whether or not to have a 4th child. And the pressure is on me to show them that it isn't as terrifying as it seems.

Oy. If only they knew... let me let you in on my shameful little plan of survival. I've been shopping. Have you seen the adorable little things they make for girls these days? It's irresistable, I tell you. Anyway, I will continue to shop and stifle my unknown fear and I will find the cutest outfits you ever did see (because I'm clever, and I have that gift of spotting a deal a mile away). And when my incredibly stressful, sleep depriving bundle of pink #4 arrives, these sweet little outfits will get me through each crazy, new, unpredicatble day (or night). And all will be right in my world.

How's that for pioneering? ;-)

Er, rock on?!

There is a woman I go to church with who is aspiring to become a famous country singer. She has asked me to accompany her live on the violin a few times, which has been really fun. Now she and her manager are promoting her son's rock/alternative band and have asked me to lay down a few tracks with them next month! I don't know what will come of it... their sound is one in a million... but they are talented. And they write all their own music and lyrics. Good music and lyrics. I haven't been part of a musical project in about 2 months. So I am pretty excited, if anything for the opportunity to perform and to exercise my musicality. Oh, and to be back in a recording studio! I mean wow, it's certainly not the Disney soundtrack or Three Tenors' album I once got paid $50/hr. for. In fact it's FAR from it! But I have worked with musical genres besides classical before, like folk and jazz, and I look forward to this new challenge to put on the leather pants of a rockstar and shed the less wild image of a preggo mom of 3. Even it's only for a day...

Oy, my back!

I feel all discombobulated (love that word)! I leapt after Drew night before last just as he was about to take a nose dive off the coffee table and out went my lower back. Some Wonder Woman I'd make, huh?! 30 minutes of ice and some Tylenol and I was feeling fine. Yesterday I saw my chiropractor and everything adjusted very nicely. I felt well enough last night to head over to a pj/Mary Kay party my friend was having (their microdermabrasion kit is de-vine, by the way). Then this morning Jonah's bus driver decided to drive off without him. So he and I ran down the block trying to catch up with her. I felt my lower back begin to give with each pound on the pavement. Hello... am I totally falling apart here or what?! Does anyone know of a place that accepts relaxin donations? Okay, so it was fine by me to stop doing TaeBo during my pregnancies. The first time my hip launched out of its socket I just felt more comfortable burning the DVD. But saving your child? Catching the bus? Apparently someone forgot to list these alongside "go easy on the tuna" and "don't dye your hair". That's it. I'm returning "What to Expect When You're Expecting". Anyway, I digress... Thankfully we caught up with his bus. Unfortunately though, I had to drag my left leg all the way back to my house. And since dh worked until 5:30 this morning, I knew I was on my own for at least a few more hours. So I limped through the door and popped some more Tylenol and laid down for 30 minutes before I absolutely had to rescue Drew from his crib and calm his raging apetite. But each step down the stairs held a nice little unexpected surprise for me. Some didn't hurt, others did, and every now and then I had to yelp and grab the handrail! Somehow today, perhaps by the grace of God, I've managed getting to my 18 week OB check-up and the grocery store... but I'm out for the day now. And all I can say is TGIF! And TGMHIOC (Thank goodness my husband is off call)!

Remember

Remember when you were single? All you had to worry about was yourself. And now you've probably got 2+ others depending on you for air, lol. Remember when it was okay to be self centered? Like on your wedding day, for example. Perfect dress, perfect hair, perfect make-up, perfect flowers, perfect reception, perfect attendants, perfect gifts (that you even picked out yourself). Remember when you and your husband had the freedom to choose which restaurant you wanted to eat at... based on what you were in the mood for and not whether or not the atmosphere was conducive to children? Remember when you got pregnant with your first? You took your pregnancy test in the middle of the day and when it came out positive you wondered if it was telling the truth. Nevermind that you were 2 weeks "late". Remember when you could go to the library and browse for an hour for the perfect book? Now you grab whatever catches your eye and seems the right thickness. Then you get to the children's section before your kids change their mind about being there at all. You then manage to balance 50 books on one arm as you hold two little hands and push a stroller to the checkout counter, hopefully in one trip. Remember when casual dress was a nice button down blouse and no-tie shoes? Or (gasp) a skirt? Remember when you could go to the bathroom whenever you wanted? Remember when you could sleep from night until morning without interruption? Remember when you truly learned something at church every Sunday?

Well, try. Try to remember your life even before that. Realize that all the transitions you've made have been fulfilling in ways you never imagined. Remember what you've learned from your childhood, that sharing your life with someone else is comforting, that stepping outside of yourself is grounding, that patience is a virtue, that raising children means creating the future.

I'm not sure I covet anything from my past. I've already experienced it, enjoyed it, gotten all I could out of it and benefitted from it. I know that things will eventually come full circle; that I will get out of life what I've put into it... but only if I keep going, enduring, growing, balancing.

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."

T.S. Eliot

where's my beret?

I've got a couple art project ideas churning inside my head right now and I'm so excited! One is for my kitchen - a huge painting of dragonflies. Another is going to go up in the new nursery. When the crib bedding arrrives, I'll draw on it for inspiration. And last is for my friend's bathroom - a watercolor of a rubber ducky.

Art serves so many purposes for me. I took lessons every summer at the Museum of Fine Arts in Houston, but never considered it one of my fortes. It's just something I love to do and as I have a tremendous appreciation for art, it's an outlet I am grateful to have pursued. And thankfully, it is a love I have passed on to my very talented daughter (see below)!

Here is something I made for my mil one Christmas...

And something I gave away as a house warming gift...

I have mused about turning this into a side business - maybe painting children's furniture since doesn't require a lot of perfected skill, just a good imagination and creativity. It's alluring to me to maybe to do something totally different like this, and totally unexpected as I've been a performer all my life. Here are some projects I've had fun with...
~I painted this bureau for my sil's first baby's room

~these hang in my kids' bathroom

***The watercolor of dogs at the very top is hanging in Drew's room. Obviously it belongs down here, but it just wouldn't cooperate with me, lol.