How do you distinguish yourself?

I'm reading a book right now about a recovering alcohol abuser. In her autobiography the author talks about the period of her life in which the only thing that distinguished her were the parties she went to, what she drank and the people she drank with. I began thinking about how I've distinguished myself throughout my life, and how careful I've always been not to get stuck in a rut. As a child, I distinguished myself as a social butterfly. I loved having many friends and being able to relate to many different kinds of people. As a teenager I distinguished myself as well rounded and outgoing. I tried everything at least once and found a lot of strength and confidence in pursuing my talents. As a college student I distinguised myself as a survivor. I took on heavy course loads and took classes outside of my requirements. I was also finally on my own, finally responsible for myself, and I struggled to take charge of my aspirations and separate myself from my mother. As a young married I distinguished myself as "the good wife" who would not repeat her parents' mistakes; who would have a house of order and love. As a first time mother I distinguished myself as one who would always be soft and caring and nurture those around her. Now that my family has reached full capacity, how will I distinguish myself? I am approaching a plateau. I will be at this stage in life for the next 19 years or so when my last child leaves the nest. While I stay at this status quo - "mom of four" - how will I distinguish myself? Furthermore, why is it so imporant to distinguish myself?

My mother gave herself completely to motherhood. She was an example of someone who lived for her children. And she considered her children's accomplishments to be a direct reflection on her, so there were high demands for success. I think this is an example of someone who lost themselves in motherhood, simlar to the way this author lost herself in drinking. It became her identity. An unhealthy and codependent relationship ensued. Likewise, my mother became codependent, relying almost exclusively on her children's aspirations to validate her existence as a mother. In the meantime, there were many, many amazing talents she'd abandoned... modelling, art, writing, singing and dancing.

Think of all the steroetypes that are tied to motherhood. There is the slacker mom, the soccer mom, the crunchy mom, the strict mom, the stage mom... It is no wonder we get completely consumed with our reputation as mothers. I don't want to fit any stereotypes, because regardless of their intent, there is a negative stigma attached to them. I like having something to distinguish myself by other than motherhood. While motherhood is my top priority, I feel I need an identity as well... something all my own.... something that serves as an outlet and something that rejuvenates me and something to thrive on. More importantly, something that will be part of my life as my children need me less and less. It's important and healthy, I think, to nurture our interests, to exercise our minds, to walk down many paths.

So, how do you distinguish yourself? I distinguish myself as a musician who teaches and performs every chance she gets. I imagine that in several years I will either return to school for a Master's degree in viola/violin performance or the recording studio. I also really enjoy and dapple with photography, interior design, art, gardening and dance.