09 March 2009

There's me, and then there's ME

The further I get into motherhood the more I learn about myself. (Don't we all?) Some good, some bad. Lately I've been thinking a lot about how there's this "ideal me", and then there is the "real me". The ideal me is organized... her pantry is pretty, her closet is color coordinated, her refrigerator never has expired products in it, and she uses a label maker.

The real me is carefree and creative. One thing can be done many different ways and coming up with new ways to accomplish things is her specialty. She's tried just about everything, and puts 100% in all that she does. She's spontaneous and so "structure" doesn't come naturally.

I have fought the real me for a very long time. Well, I go in spurts. I relish in the summer months where we can wake up in tandem and there is no homework, virtually no "schedule" (not enough to need a dreadful day planner), and we can satisfy whatever our itch. Love that. And yet when school begins I go out with a big bang. There is a set time for everything and everything is in it's place and all that good stuff. And I feel like I'm on FIRE!

Not surprisingly, these 2 women clash, always fighting for first place. I want to keep things under control, but oh there's a fun race coming up and new boutique in town that might like my Whimsy Wipes and photography techniques to brush up on and auditions for a musical and so-and-so could use a fun baby shower... I am learning to appreciate and utilize us both.

When it comes to my high strung children (and other family members... wink, wink), the real me is the perfect fit. I slow things down and work my calm and am a nurturing giant. When it comes to managing all my creative endeavors the ideal me is the perfect fit. I can multi-task and double dip and I'm like the energizer bunny. (Let me tell you, I am so happy that the ideal me even makes her appearance these days. ;) And I know just how to take advantage of her when she's around, although that lands both of us in a heap of exhaustion.)

What it boils down to is that it's a good thing to have strengths and imperfections. Because you need both... what may be perceived as a weakness may come in handy at just the right time and what may be perceived as a strength, perhaps even at one point in your life an unattainable one, could become one of your most admirable qualities.

Motherhood has its way of shaping you, molding you, and sometimes the process feels more like erosion... but here's to the balance it produces, to embracing your real and your ideal self! And to being whole.


Lara said...

I have absolutely never thought about it this way. My real me is very much like yours, and I am constantly trying to get rid of her. You have given me a lot to think about here. Thanks!

Yvonne said...

You always make me think--THAT'S WHY I LOVE READING YOUR POSTS.

Thank you. I'm going to print this so I can really ponder it.

Anne said...

wonderful post!!

Tigersue said...

I have been struggling with the real me for quite awhile. Probably because I honestly don't like myself very much.

I'm not even sure I know what my ideal is. I guess I need to figure them both out.

I have had so much family stress lately, that it has gotten harder to remember who I am.

Zoe said...

. . . and I love the real you! :)

Christy said...

My imperfections seems to majorly out weigh my perfections, these days. Hopefully I'll be able to strike more of a balance someday......but I'm not holding my breath! ;)

(Great post Lei!)