27 April 2007

Ah, so that's where you've been!


There are few things I enjoy more than a good mess to tackle. What about you? Hmmm? Not so much? Well, that's a shame, because I woke up to find a nice big variety of mold spores in my recently thawed out freezer. Yep... the smell knocked me into last week! And I'd be happy to share the joy of cleaning it out with anyone. Anyone?

I also have a particular fondness for mucous - thick, green gobs of it, actually. What's that? You wish you had two uber icky noses to wipe all day long, too? What a coincidence!!! Because here in Texas 75% of the population is flowing with it, thanks to the fiercest allergens on the planet. And chances are you'll be so caught up in your child's noses that you won't realize the sight of your own... that is, until you look in the rearview mirror on your way to church and realize you could have rolled out of bed and come as you are and not a soul would have noticed a difference.

If you'd like, I can arrange for you to visit the dentist and afterwards deal with the worst possible case of TMJ ever. Appealing, ain't it? And then, how about stomach cramps from the ibuprofren that barely takes the edge off your pain? Oh - and it gets better! (cue clapping and hurrahs) Your first post partum period will force its way back into your life like those pesky free offers you get from telemarketers... "Womanhood here! Get your free womanhood! The only hidden cost to you is your sanity!"

Perhaps my FAVORITE thing, however, and the highlight of my week I might add, is cleaning poop out of the carpet. Nothing like getting on your hands and knees and scrubbing that delightful stuff out tiny fibers! Don't get too carried away though, because while you are laboring over that, your 2 year old might decide to empty a few water bottles, stuff the toilet bowl with toilet paper, and clamor as loudly as possible downstairs in the kitchen so that your 9 month old can awaken from her nap and add to the chaos join in the fun.

So many great reasons for not blogging. But I miss you bloggy world. My mess free, stress free bloggy world. You allude me.

I suspect that not one more thing could go wrong around here... I've filled my quota! So I shall return with some of that positive stuff I like to write about so much very soon. Hugs and kisses to all!

15 comments:

Morning Glory said...

Oh, you poor thing! I'd help if I could. I hope sanity and peace return very soon!!

QueenMeadow said...

((hugs))

if your writing style wasn't so good, I wouldn't be giggling about your crappy week :D

Montserrat said...

I'm sorry I'm laughing too. :D But that's only because you write so well and I've 'done that been there' so many times before I can really relate!

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache." ~Marjorie Pay Hinckley~

Tracey said...

Yikes! BAD week. But remember: It can ALWAYS get worse. Keep your chin up. Cuz it WILL get better.

meta said...

I'm laughing so hard but also grossed out by the details!!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Do you hear that 'SQQQUUUEEEEEEE' noise? That would be me reacting to your Jonatha Brooke song. I luuuuurrrvvvee Jonatha Brooke, and I get all excited when I find like minded peeps.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

And you're in Texas too? Sweet. Me? Reppin H-Town!

utmommy said...

I'm laughing, but not at you. I'm laughing because I've totally been there and I know EXACTLY how you feel. I hope things look brighter soon!

Char said...

Sounds positively sucktacular, Lei!

An Ordinary Mom said...

I think you have more than filled your quota! You deserve a much needed break. I wish I lived closer so I could could give you one. Hang in there ... and thanks for sharing where you have been. You made me laugh with your details :)!!

allysha said...

Woah. Well, carry on! And what can I say, but I strongly sympathize. (oh, all the things not listed in the description of motherhood...)

Zoe said...

LOL! Oh, I am so sorry Lei! I hope that next week is better. :) :)

scribbit said...

Not nice at all. My deepest sympathies. Hope this week proves better :)

Barb said...

Ew. Tempting, but no thanks, Lei. You poor girl -- the mold and the poop and the mucous (blech) sound like a real barrel of laughs. I hope things settle down soon.

K 3 said...

LOL!!! I am so trying to subdue my laugh, I am sure my co-workers are going to think I am nuts with the muffled sounds I am making!!!

Hope this week will be much better!

Good Luck!