The Bathroom - Man's Portal Into Another World

As I wracked my brain for one last measly baby project to work on this past week, the thought occured to me (or an MOF, to be honest) to paint Sasha's closet door like a window into a fantasy world. It has yet to be completed, but provides a nice metaphor for today's post. For men, the bathroom seems to be a portal into some private world. A quiet place to get away and relax. For at least 30 minutes. In fact, it's a given that he'll be gone that long when he says "Honey, I'm going to go use the bathroom." Really, there would be no need to announce it if it weren't going to be such a big deal for him. Like, a treat or reward for being gone at the office all day. With how much time my husband spends in the "John" (see it's even named after a man), I wonder if he saves it all up for the minute he walks in the door, before I get my chance to unload on him.

Does your husband disappear for long periods of time to do his "business" like mine does? Is he also smart enough to find the furthest bathroom from where the hullabaloo is when he goes? Upstairs, master bedroom. Always. There's a bathroom just inside the garage door entrance that he walks by every evening. And another one at the top of the stairs. Nope, we want the suite at the end of the hall in the back of the house where you can't hear a dadgum thing. :) I, on the other hand, rarely get the chance to use my beautiful purple and sage green bathroom that I so thoughtfully decorated.

And are your children somehow trained to leave the husband be while he reads poops? Is there an unwritten rule that children must follow Mommy into the bathroom or is that just what happens in my house? Why oh why have we not learned from our counterparts how to properly use our time in the bathroom? Seriously. We rush through our business at lightening speed, sometimes without even closing the door all the way. I have learned to lock the door most of the time. Because having company sitting at the table just outside of it does not, I repeat, does not deter your children from barging in on you and revealing your nakedness in all its glory. But locking often leads to knocking. Incessant knocking. And whining.

Ladies, I think we must be missing out on something big here. I mean, I don't sit and watch my husband do his business in the bathroom, but I am pretty sure something miraculous must be happening in there for him to love it so much. And if it weren't for the aftersmell, I might even think there really was a portal in there somewhere.

Men also seem to have the showering thing downpat. I don't know about your significant other, but mine takes way longer time to shower than I do. And it's never rushed by queries for cereal or tattle taling. Or worrying about whether there has been a cereal catastrophe or reason to tattle that needs your immediate attention. "Calgon take me away?" Totally should have been designed for a man.

Conclusion: There's no such thing as "getting away". for a woman. in a bathroom.

For example, take my bath this morning. The minute the water is turned on, my 4 yr. old is right by my side. How does he do that? I already mentioned how far away our bathroom is.

And the 3rd degree: "What are you doing?" "Why?" "Are you going to use bubbles, Mommy?" "Which bubbles, Mommy?" "Oh, l like the purple bubbles." "Let me wash you, Mommy." "What's THAT, Mommy?" And of course, your husband doesn't hear you screaming his name at the top of your lungs. Because where is he? In front of the computer (the other portal to ignorant bliss) with headphones on "watching the children for you so you can get some down time". Or in my case, so you can contract in peace.

That brings me to my weekly update. On Friday my OB said that Sasha was at +2 station. You heard me right. And here I sit, very pregnant, in front of my laptop. :) Am I complaining? I'm not sure, lol. I thought I'd reached a state of contentment over this, but the mind really is a powerful thing. I can't get over the likelihood of her falling out when she is 2 inches from crowning. Rofl.

Both yesterday and today I have had some bloody show. My contractions are strong and applying adequate pressure to everything "down there". :) I have some good cramping going on as well. And am sure this has all lead to dilating further than the 2 I was on Friday. My hope is that I arrive at the hospital at 6 or 7 cm and am done in just a couple hours.

Let's have some fun. Maybe there will even be a PRIZE! Oooooh, now I've gotcha. ;) Would anyone like to guess how much longer Sasha will hang on (to whatever there is left to hang on to in there)? Oh, and how much she will weigh? 3 weeks ago our ultrasound showed her measuring 6 lbs. 11 oz. On your mark, get set, go!