This morning I attempted to workout at home. I sent my older children into the backyard to play with the water table, and brought the baby into the living room with me for an hour of FitTV. I got down on my mat ready to crunch, crunch, crunch when Sasha seized the opporunity to climb on me. I struggled to see the screen,what with her in my face giggling. I struggled to lift my torso off the floor,what with her lying on my chest. Then I hear the instructor say,"Are you focusing?" And the answer to that would have been "No"! I persisted, taking short breaks to go out back and wrangle the kids back over to their activity, fetch more water and fish stuff Sasha had found on the floor out of her mouth. Again the instructor said "Don't let yourself get distracted, really focus on what you're doing." Okay lady, I thought... are you spying on me?
Of course this got me thinking more deeply (I have a bad habit of that,eh?)... I have not been very "focused" on anything lately. I have a lot of balls up in the air, and I am not sure anything is really getting my attention. My husband has always had a simple answer for this... "Cut back". To which I classically retort that everything going on in my life is of utmost importance and if I cut back the world just won't get on.
But I've decided to try and focus on just a couple things at a time. I figure every few months, I can juggle things a bit and focus somewhere else. But I have to get my priorities straight and see things from start to finish before taking on something new. I need to get my kids focusing, too. School starts next week and they are as much in the Land of Lala as I have been. Plus, if I am successful in getting them back in focus mode, then I will have fewer interuptions and be able to get my level of productivity back up where it should be.
At least when it comes to crunches. ;)
20 August 2007
Are you focused?
15 August 2007
Did you think to pray?
I am fortunate to have music in my life. There are few things that provide me with such comfort. Often when I need it, the words of a familair hymn will slip into my mind. As we approach a new school year, there is much anxiety at my house... particularly in that of my ADHD 5 year old. This is very trying for me and I struggle with finding the patience I need to handle him on some days. One day last week, he'd been hitting and kicking and screaming and furniture leaping for several hours. And I'd yelled and screamed, and sent him to his room, and even thought of just sticking him in the backyard (yikes). Then, these words penetrated my thoughts:
5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago:
1. Enjoying the life of a newly wed.
2. Gearing up for my senior year of college.
3. Discovering Martha Stewart.
4. Playing for various recording studios.
5. Sleeping alone for most of the night (dh worked graveyards).
1. Take Jonah and Drew to occupational therapy.
2. Go to the grocery store.
3. Vacuum downstairs.
4. Clean the fans.
5. Call Lexye about zilching (classical version of a jam session)
1. chocolate oreo cakesters (they are brand new and to die for)
2. reduced fat peanut butter on a banana
3. strawberry banana yogurt
4. popcorn
5. tillamook cheese and wheat thins
1. "End of the World" by R.E.M.
2. "Closer to Fine" by Indigo Girls
3. "Wild Horses" by U2
4. "If You Leave" by OMD
5. "O mio babbino caro" from La Boheme
1. Open my performing arts school.
2. Fill those college, mission and wedding funds.
3. Buy dh a big boat. Lol.
4. Go to Italy and research the birth towns of my ancestors.
5. Get a Victorian fixer upper on the side.
1. I use Q Tips to clean my ears.
2. I rarely floss.
3. I stay up too late at night.
4. Overdoing things.
5. Forgetting to recharge my cell phone.
1. lycra stirrup unitards with clashing trunks
2. ribbons in my hair
3. splatter paint
4. fluorescent colors
5. Keds. I'm sorry, I just can't do it. No matter how hard they try to design a more modern sneaker.
1. My Nikon D50
2. My laptop
3. My Kitchenaid mixer
4. Photoshop
5. My graphic writing tablet.
13 August 2007
Woman to Woman: dealing with aging parents
There are many women who still have one or both parents living. As our parents age and move into their 80s and 90s, they often need a family member to care for them. Are you currently the caregiver for a parent? Perhaps you are the caregiver for a beloved grandparent. What have you observed through this process and how have you worked this caregiving into your family life? What difficulties have you encountered, and how have you resolved them? What has been successful for you?
My husband and I have yet to deal with this, although his parents are currently in their 70s/80s. His father was diagnosed with colon cancer about 11 years ago, and received chemo for a year, but is now in remission. He is relatively healthy for an 81 year old, but the signs of aging are there and each time we see him he seems to have a little less pep in his step. I can tell this wears on dh. If we are not expecting a phone call from his parents, and we receive one, his first question is always "What's wrong?" But for now, our worries are unfounded. And we are grateful that he remains a very lucid, happy man.
Dh's mother, however, shared some thoughts with me from her experiences with caring for her father in his old age. It felt very natural for her to take him into her home. She was always very close to him, and when her mother passed away she knew instantly that she wanted to be his caretaker. It presented it's hardships, like lack of privacy. And he had some annoying habits, like continuosly crossing and uncrossing his legs. She could see it out of the corner of her eye as they sat and read in the quiet evenings. Furthermore, she could hear it, and found it to be very distracting. There were also times when he was impatient with her - wanting to have certain things done right away. And he'd follow her around the house until it got done. She'd sometimes have to find an excuse to shut herself off in her room and take a breather. But overall, he was kind and easy tempered. He enjoyed being around his grandchildren, and they him. She feels they gained a sincere appreciation for him (particularly the quarters he gave them for candy).
One thing she said was very successful was giving him his own space. His bedroom contained his own furniture, brought with him from his previous home. This provided him with both familiarity and comfort. The bedroom was also off limits to her children, so he could have privacy when he desired it. They owned a big leather chair which he loved to sit in during the day, alternately reading and falling asleep. It belonged to her husband, however, and when he got home from work HE wanted to relax in it. Sometimes her father would be asleep in the chair, oblivious to the fact that he was being watched and was expected to move. Other times he was awake, and more than willing to relinquish the comfortable spot to it's owner. But she took him out shopping for his own chair. He chose a recliner that he just loved, and that simple act really made him feel as if he was no longer a guest, but truly a member of their family.
To say everything was perfect would be false. Towards the end, as he got sicker, he'd take his frustrations out on his daughter. He became very hard of hearing, and including him in conversations became increasingly difficult for the both of them. He felt shut out much of the time, and she felt frustrated trying to communicate with him. He was always cold in the winter, and she could not keep him warm enough, no matter how hard she tried. He'd tell her that he didn't want to be there anymore. Eventually she began looking for a good care center, but could not hold back the tears at the thought of leaving him there. So she tried her best to continue to provide him with what he needed. One of her sisters stepped in and cared for him for the final 6 months of his life. This made her so sad, that she couldn't make him happy right up until the end of his life. But she has no regrets.
Providing for your parents is something we each need to be prepared to do, but not something we want to think about. I can't really imagine reaching that point with my parents. My mother passed away a few years ago, but my father is in his early 50s and nowhere near dependent on me for care. In fact I wonder if the thought has even crossed his mind. But, being that I am the oldest, and the only girl, I need to ready myself for the responsibility.
I have had the opportunity to have my brother, 17 years old, live in our home this summer. And it is interesting to me how my mother-in-law's thoughts and experiences parallel my own... right down to it feeling natural, but being difficult, and having no regrets. I've learned a lot about myself in this process. It's definitly been a growth opportunity for both myself and my husband. And in the brief period of time that we have had him in our home, we've changed. For the better.
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5 things I am going to do for myself, starting now
It's been all about my kids all summer. They've had something to look forward to nearly every single day. We've been on vacation. Twice. Their adventures have been full, their need for popsicles fulfilled, and I think I see them sprouting fins. I feel like now, with school beginning so soon, I can focus on myself a little more. And I need to!
I've made a list of 5 things I plan on doing for myself:
1) Renew my exercising vows. I gave up on meeting the "workout 4 times a week" recommendation several weeks ago. I joined the Y at the beginning of the summer, and that went well until Sasha figured it all out ("When we come here, Mommy ditches me"). And with free childcare, they weren't real tolerant of her crying. Which is a shame, because my older 3 loved it and hated having to leave 20 minutes after we'd arrived. So, beginning the week school starts, I've got 10 sessions scheduled with a personal trainer. I do need to find a sitter for Drew and Sasha 2 mornings a week. I think I can manage an evening workout (dh can usually commit to being home at a decent time at least one night a week, lol) and have my 4th workout on Saturday mornings.
2) Eat what I like. I've been a plate cleaner this summer. I have enjoyed making the kids what they like to eat; they don't get hot lunches during the school year. But it hasn't left me with much desire to make myself a separate meal. So I eat what they don't. Or something really quick and easy. I am excited to eat all the things they turn their nose up at. Tuna salad, here I come!
3) Find some peace and quiet. Ah, every afternoon, from 1:30-3pm, my house will be completely quiet. Jonah is starting Kindergarten and he, like his older sister, will be in school all day. I cannot remember the last time I had a quiet afternoon? With my first, I suppose? I will finally take the advice I received 8 years ago at the start of this journey, and "rest when they rest". Or try to, anyway. I also need this peaceful time of day to recommit to personal scripture study.
4) Join a book club. I've got a few books I am dying to read and discuss with other women. "The Elephant in the Playroom" is at the top of my list! Again, not something I've done in several years. And I really,really miss it!
5) Finish some projects. There's a large unfinished painting, the white walls in our bedroom, and my daughter's half refurbished bedroom, to start with. I am sure I will uncover more once I begin the weeding process!
What's on your list?
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P.S. - Don't forget Woman to Woman tomorrow!
10 August 2007
baby picture books
There are so many fun things you can do with photos for young children. I've made and received a few books/albums that have become cherished, prized possessions. Below are some of the layouts from those books.
The first was made for my now 5 year old. His transition to becoming a big brother was not a smooth one. This is one of the many ways that I tried to make that change easier for him. We talked a lot about what it was like when he was a baby, and he loved to look at pictures of himself as a baby- eating, crying, sleeping. It really helped him understand his new baby brother a little better.
I made this book for Sasha and gave it to her on her first birthday. If she's anything like her siblings, she'll love looking at these pictures of herself and seeing how fast she's grown.
I just love this book that my sister-in-law made. She used the text from a children's book called "I Love You Through and Through" by Bernadette Rossetti-Shustak, and inserted very apropos pictures of my son as illustrations.
Find this and other great project ideas at Creativity Cannot Be Stifled.
