She's been shopping for months.  She's been planning special family outings.  She's been volunteering to help with her kids' class parties.  She's thoughtfully decked the halls of her home.  She's baked enough to feed a small army.  She's enjoyed quiet evenings by the fire with candles burning and the uplifting sounds of Christmas music wafting through the air.  She's noticed the magic that catches under the wings of all those around her, and finds it rejuvenating, refreshing, comforting... one purpose that binds us, everyone.  But now, 3 days post Christmas it has all come to a screeching halt.  Everyone has forgotten Christmas cheer.  The radio station is back to playing easy listening muzac.  The stores are filling up with Valentine's candy.  The neighbors are taking down their lights and dumping their Christmas trees out by the curb.

She pauses in front of the nativity scene on display in her home.  She thinks of ways to carry on the spirit of Christmas throughout the year, because this kind of joy can be found outside of gifts and lights and frosted sugar cookies.  It should resonate in our hearts every day of the year.  We can make more time to gather around and read from Luke.  We can gather more often at the dinner table and enjoy a bounteous meal.  Our homes can always be a made to feel warm and inviting.  And there certainly needs to be no reason for giving to others.

As she contemplates where to begin, which ornaments or Christmas tree to pack up first, her heart feels lighter now.  She thinks of the New Year and the possibilities it holds for more dedicated family time, service to others, and meditation on her many blessings...

Am I gonna learn this lesson?

I've been so busy lately. Crazy busy. Our house is on the market and we are fervently trying to sell the one we're in. My brothers and I are caring almost exclusively for our youngest brother, who's moved out of my father's house (haven't gone into much detail on that one). He's in high school and in need of A LOT of TLC and guidance. My own children have their needs right now, ranging from educational to behavioral.

My coping mechanism has always been to keep myself busy. It adds to the stress sometimes, but it also gives me the outlets I need to stay sane. For instance, I've got 2 performances coming up - one in Utah in just a few days and a bigger one here in town in April. I rehearse twice a week, for an hour each time. My Whimsy Wipes (see my Etsy store) have taken flight. A local baby boutique called Hey Baby recently placed an order, and a company from Singapore has made a wholesale inquiry now as well. I do children's and maternity photography. I exercise religiously 5 days a week - running and lifting weights.

Sometimes this all comes at a cost. I'd be lying if I said I am just so amazing that I never drop a ball. I may cook less or clean less (although my children's balanced nutrition never suffers, nor does my house EVER look like a sty). My kids may have to play more independently than usual. My husband may need to help more around the house. And he's great about it. I think he and I are usually on the same wavelength and he acts as an extension of me. Without even asking, I'll come home to a clean house. It's such a relief to me that he's so in tune, because I'd surely be feeling like a loser mom/wife otherwise. His support is key,and maybe that makes a huge difference in what I'm challenging here.

I realize that I feel much more in control when my housely priorities are unequivocally tops. It doesn't change all that I may have going on, but it helps me think more clearly and I also feel better about myself when I don't put off those responsibilities. But it happens. To many of us, I'm sure. And for the record,I have do have limitations to what I would put off for an opportunity to pursue my talents... someone in need, friend or family member... But I have this inner struggle going on over the general issue of a mother's role in the family.

I've read Sister Beck's talk ("Mothers Who Know") from our last bi-annual LDS Conference over and over. I've tried applying it to my life, and gradually I am understanding her counsel. But finding how her counsel fits into my life has been difficult, as it has been for many LDS women.

I've never blindly followed counsel. I've always made it a matter of prayer. I've found solace in quotes from our church leaders encouraging women to educate themselves, to use their talents for good, to remember to meet their own needs and to raise families in partnership with their spouse. But in the context of this particular talk, "Mothers who know do less" goes against that grain. It implies that our lives should be simple and that they should be focused on our families. I'm all about family and they are the most important thing to me. With that I have no misunderstanding. But I would not be happy if I didn't feel free to pursue my interests. That is what makes me a whole person. I find a lot of my value in being a mother, but not all of it.

I was raised to be involved. To do. It's so much a part of who I am. And it is the one thing, the greatest thing for which I credit my mother. That is bittersweet for me, because it is also the biggest reason why many people do not believe, or understand, that she physically and emotionally abused my siblings and I. They see 4 intelligent, talented and successful individuals and cannot comprehend how we could have come from a dysfunctional home. Or they feel we should just "get over it" because it did not have such a significant impact on our lives that we haven't been able to rise above or "turn out okay". But I digress.

I see women around me who have forgotten themselves. They've followed the counsel to put their families first to the law and they've lost a part of themselves. They "played the flute at one point" or they "used to" paint. They don't have time for a girls night out. They feel selfish if they spend time perfecting themselves in any way. They come last. I don't think that's a mother who knows. That's a sad individual.

So I am conflicted. Is there a difference between being a fulfilled mother and being a faithful mother? I don't mean to simplify this topic, but the black and white of it is what I am concerned with. I'd really love to start a dialogue over this, so feel free to comment regardless of your viewpoint or religion. I'm putting on my suit of armor right now!

Technorati tags: motherhood,fulfillment,family,LDS,Julie Beck,abuse,
priorities,Whimsy Wipes,talents

On inner beauty

Last night the young women in our ward had a glamour night. We had a make-up artist and a hair dresser come and fix them up, and then myself and another photgrpaher in the ward took pictures of them. I was also asked to speak to them about inner beauty.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the LDS church once said in a talk (To Young Women), “I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else… almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But as one adviser to teenage girls said (in Teen People): “You can’t live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you self-conscious you give away your power. … The key to feeling [confident] is to always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]” And in the kingdom of God, the real you is as the proverb says, “more precious than rubies.” The world has been brutal with you in this regard. You are bombarded in movies, television, fashion magazines, and advertisements with the message that looks are everything! The pitch is, “If your looks are good enough, your life will be glamorous and you will be happy and popular.” That kind of pressure is immense in the teenage years, to say nothing of later womanhood. In too many cases too much is being done to the human body to meet just such a fictional (to say nothing of superficial) standard. As one Hollywood actress is reported to have said recently (Halle Berry): “We’ve become obsessed with beauty and the fountain of youth. … I’m really saddened by the way women mutilate [themselves] in search of that. I see women [including young women] … pulling this up and tucking that back. It’s like a slippery slope. [You can’t get off of it.] … It’s really insane … what society is doing to women.”

I think it is so important for us to reiterate to our daughters and our daughters' friends that
this ideal image does not even exist… it’s a fabrication, the perfection we see illustrated on the screen and in magazines. Besides that, it is not a good source of self esteem. It is spiritually destructive for them and is exactly what has lead most of us as women to be unhappy with our noses, or our hair, or our bodies.

I found another great talk that targets this issues, given by Susan W. Tanner entitled "The Sanctity of the Body". She says "In the premortal realm we learned that the body was part of God’s great plan of happiness, by which we could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection. We “shouted for joy” (see Job 38:7) to be part of this plan. Why were we so excited? We understood eternal truths about our bodies. We knew that our bodies would be in the image of God. We knew that our bodies would house our spirits. We also understood that our bodies would be subject to pain, illness, disabilities, and temptation. But we were willing, even eager, to accept these challenges because we knew that only with spirit and element inseparably connected could we progress to become like our Heavenly Father (see D&C 130:22) and “receive a fulness of joy” (see D&C 93:33)."

Have you ever thought that our bodies are meant to protect our spirits? And boy do they take a beating... mothers get stretch marks, we all become wrinkled at some point, our bodies literally wear down and become worn over time. We break bones and our immune systems weaken. At the end of our lives we may not be much to look at. But if we’ve treated our bodies as temples - and we know that it is what is inside the temple that makes it a sacred, beautiful place - they (our bodies) will have protected the very most important, the most beautiful part of ourselves, and that is our spirit. 1 Peter 3:4 says "But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

Joseph Smith taught: “We came to this earth that we might have a body and present it pure before God in the Celestial Kingdom.” The great principle of happiness consists in having a body. The Devil has no body, and herein is his punishment” (The Words of Joseph Smith, ed. Andrew F. Ehat and Lyndon W. Cook [1980], 60).

Think what it must be like to be the only one of God's sons/daughters to be formally rebuked and denied the opportunity to come down, receive and body, return again clean and receive eternal life. Satan will do whatever he can to ruin that opportunity for the rest of us. He'll make some of us feel ugly our whole lives through and he'll tempt others of us to flaunt our assets premiscuously. He'll make more appealing the use of addictions and self-indulgence as coping mechanisms. Anything to defile this great gift which we've been given.

And on the specific idea of inner beauty, Sister Tanner goes on to share, “I remember well the insecurities I felt as a teenager with a bad case of acne. I tried to care for my skin properly. My parents helped me get medical attention. For years I even went without eating chocolate and all the greasy fast foods around which teens often socialize, but with no obvious healing consequences. It was difficult for me at that time to fully appreciate this body which was giving me so much grief. But my good mother taught me a higher law. Over and over she said to me, “You must do everything you can to make your appearance pleasing, but the minute you walk out the door, forget yourself and start concentrating on others.”

What a difference we'd make in the lives of the young women around us if we told them this, and often. I love to look nice as much as msot any other woman does, but we are their real role models. We are the ones they watch on a daily basis. We are close enough for them to touch and hear. If we're busy obsessing over our appearance, they are going to notice.

I love to exercise, every day if I can. I place great emphasis on the fact that if I don't I just don't feel as healthy. I am slower to stay on task during the day and besides that, I'm just not as happy. I talk to my daughter about why I focus on being healthy, and what that really means. We enjoy eating, but we're thoughtful of how we treat our bodies. It's tough achieving a healthy balance of how much focus we put on this kind of thing. I've answered a lot of questions from her about being thin and eating fattening foods and working out. She's 8 and has obviosuly already noticed the wordly obsession over this. But I hope she remembers what I've taught her, that Heavenly Father made us the way he made us and that healthy people come in all different shapes and sizes. Our only responsibility is to respect our bodies, and we can't do that when we're gluttonous or idle.

Sister Tanner's mother taught her daughter the Christlike principle of selflessness. "Charity, or the pure love of Christ, “envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own” (Moroni 7:45). When we become other-oriented, or selfless, we develop an inner beauty of spirit that glows in our outward appearance. This is how we make ourselves in the Lord’s image rather than the world’s and receive His image in our countenances.

Our late President Hinckley spoke of this very kind of beauty that comes as we learn to respect body, mind, and spirit when he said: “Of all the creations of the Almighty, there is none more beautiful, none more inspiring than a lovely daughter of God who walks in virtue with an understanding of why she should do so, who honors and respects her body as a thing sacred and divine, who cultivates her mind and constantly enlarges the horizon of her understanding, who nurtures her spirit with everlasting truth” (“Understanding Our Divine Nature,” Liahona, Feb. 2002, 24; “Our Responsibility to Our Young Women,” Ensign, Sept. 1988)

I hope more young girls see the potential they have to be beautiful inside and out. And that the effort they put into nourishing what is inside will show on the outside. The possibilities are endless for our girls, there are few limitations before them and we've worked hard to make it that way.

One of the sweet older sisters that attended our activity last night leaned over to me during the make-iup demonstration and said, "You know, the best make-up you can wear is a smile." And she is so right. One can hardly fail to notice true happiness, and vibrance and surety. That is where the true beauty lies in each of us.

The passing of a prophet...

Prophetic Passing

I imagine he's running to Marjorie now,
Yes, running, not waving his cane.
I see him embracing his father and mother
While they keep repeating his name.

I see him now meeting his forebears,
Brother Brigham and Joseph are there.
Sweet reunion of prophets, united by service
That only such noble men share.

I see him embraced by the Savior
While Father says, Good and well done.
So faithful in stalwart endurance, I welcome
My noble, most excellent son.

I then hear the ripples of laughter
As he says the reception's just fine,
But he hopes that he'll get an assignment or two
Since theres no need to waste any time.

I can hear his clear voice in the stillness
At the close of this sweet Sabbath day,
Have faith and move forward - there's work to be done.
President Hinckley would want it that way.

Anna M. Molgard
January 27, 2008

One of the last talks President Gordon B. Hinckley gave before his life ended has been on my mind all week. It is called "Slow to Anger", and can be read here. I find his words consoling. I have been fighting the urge to confront someone in my family who has been neglectful and thoughtless and has caused a great deal of damage out of complete selfishness. I know, especially in this case, that anger is a legitimate emotion, one with which my Father can relate. I feel comfort as I try to work my emotions out in my mind and through prayer, because I know they've already been endured and the price has already been paid for these trials.

I'm learning that it is how you respond to anger that matters. Given that anger was misused in my home growing up, I struggle with an effective way of venting while staying in control. It's like a reflex to lash out as I've seen done time and time again. I think that's why I have tried to develop such a positive outlook, finding the good in everything. I find that if my mind is not already active with positive thinking I am more susceptible to losing it and letting the negative consume me. It's like working a muscle, I guess you could say - by exercising control and restraining myself/biting my tongue I am able to become stronger, even as "he that ruleth his spirit". (Proverbs 16:32)

It is primarily in honor of this great man that I share these thoughts with you, but also because there is indeed so much anger in this world. Misery loves company. Some unhappy people will not rest until everyone around them is also unhappy. It's sad how quickly it spreads, but we do have the power to stop it. We are blessed with agency - to choose how we will respond - no matter what our circumstances are. Peace is possible.

Two things I learned this weekend (despite the almost constant obsession over the layout on my new blog)

It's been a while since I've felt like I learned something at church. I am usually too busy getting out quiet activities or snacks, shushing little voices, teaching my oldest one to listen and fretting over being a spectacle in the process of it all. I guess it was divine intervention that allowed me to pay enough attention that two simple phrases really stood out to me yesterday.

"That which is of enough value to memorize becomes part of you."

and from Alma 37:37 -

"when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning, let thy heart be full of thanks unto God"

I love the first quote because I am one that thrives on words - be they scripture, lyrics, poetry or just plain wisdom. And they do have a way of working themselves into my mind when I most need them. But sometimes I let days go by without studying anything, without pondering any sort of words, and that often leads to a stupor in trying situations (rather than having positive thoughts or feeling guided). I love that any worthy words can be beneficial to you. Scripture study is an obvious necessity in our lives, but do we make time to study the great God given talents of writers like Shakespeare? It's just like turning on classical music in the car for my children as we head out to school... I know that it opens up the mind and calms the spirit and will have an effect on their day.

Alma 37:37 has been marked in my scriptures for years. I have it mostly memorized and I'd say it is a part of me... it comes to my mind often. But this particular part of it has never made quite the impression that it did on me yesterday. I vainly repeat "let the Lord watch over us in our sleep" every night before bed. And I rarely wake up thankful that He did. In fact, I am a bear in the morning... I'm not really thankful for anything at that time of day. That really sets a tone in our home and can be difficult to change after I'm more fully awake and ready to dig into the day. So I'm making a goal of not just praying for the Lord's protection over my family each night, but with gratitude for that blessing in my life each morning as well.

Home Can Be A Heaven On Earth

On Sunday our Stake Primary Presidency/Board was invited to another branch to speak. The topic was family. My assignment of course was to provide a musical number, so I pretty much got to go along for the ride and just enjoy a Sacrament meeting sans children. I really enjoyed the talks my counterparts had prepared... they shared a lot of useful information on how to fortify our homes and families against the evils of the world. They happen to be older and wiser than I, so I really soaked it up. :)

One of the points made was that our home can be one of the most sacred places on the earth. That really spoke to me. I want for my family to seek refuge in the walls of our home... I want them to feel safe and warm and protected here. I thought about how I can ensure that... by keeping our standards high (for instance with regard to the entertainment and music we allow to infiltrate our lives), by spending quality time together, by reenforcing beliefs, by having open communication with our children about troublesome things, by governing them while allowing them to make their own choices. And of course by loving them, unconditionally. My husband and I make an effort in each of these areas, but we could certainly do better. Our oldest is only 7, but she's close to the age where she will truly be accountable for her decisions and I think often about how well I have equipped her with the knowledge to do so mindfully. We have such a short amount of time with these sweet little souls! And so much responsibility to fulfill.

What are your thoughts? What ways have you succeeded in making your home a heaven on earth?