Life is full of some pretty harsh realities. Realities that require us to come out waving our white flag - sometimes in desperation, sometimes in humility, sometimes against our will. I've learned to surrender to a lot of things in my short existence as a mom. I've made the practical decisions that I know will bring me joy in the long run, but don't always make me happy right now. There is a time and a season for all things. I chose and was chosen to be this right now and just like any other challenge I've encountered in my life, I want to do it well and with a happy heart.
That doesn't mean I don't want to whine once in a while. My kids have been sick and sick again. And I've been sick. And I am sick of sickly people! I swear if my husband gets this...
Anyway, they say that unless Mama's happy, nobody's happy. Mothers set the tone. But there are bound to be days when we don't want to put on a happy face for everyone else's sake. We just want to be what we are that day - tired or indifferent or frustrated or emotional or whatever. But we don't want to lose control either. So we trudge along and wonder where our compensation is. The truth is there are few moments of uplift in our lives that don't come as a result of sacrifice. We may simply have to go through the motions some days, but it will catch up with us, refill our determination and commitment and help us catch up with joy again.
There is so much pressure when you're the one in charge. Everything seems to fall back on you, not all of it good. And when you're doing the best you possibly can that gets frustrating. It seems that the times we most need to have mellow, there is chaos. The times we most need to have quiet, there is noise. The times we most need to have calm, there is contention. The refiner's fire entered again and again and again... "Is there a curse on my house?!" comes the cry.
My time for me will return. A time when surrendering will come to an end and my children will go out and be their own amazing individuals. And then irony will rare her head, and I will miss caring for my sick children. I will miss putting together the train set over and over. I will miss answering the same questions time and time again. I will miss the cute little pouts and the obsession with tugging on my hair. I will miss handprints on my windows. I won't miss laundry! But there are a lot of things, difficult things, that I have and will continue to surrender to, only to turn around one day and think, "That was one of the most challenging times, but the most enlightening time and the sweetest time of my life."