27 June 2006

Wild Card Wednesday

Today I am answering Rachelle's call for the words discombobulated, percolate, loquacious, tawdry, facetious, and effervescence all in the same post. They surprisingly describe my mood level quite well these days.

And you all thought you were gonna get a break from the whining. Ha!

I am most definitely feeling the discombobulation. I'm not sure about my center of gravity, much less center of emotional, mental or spiritual stability right now. Common in the final weeks of pregnancy, no? (I can't be sure because 38 1/2 weeks is a record for me.) If I am not careful, this disconcertedness percolates everything I do and say! For example, screaming, "Stop screaming!" at my children. :) And then looking around the room like "Where did that come from?" "Who said that? How rude!" (Angel wings flapping away.)

I have well meaning frends and family calling daily to see if "she's here yet". Just in case I, you know, forgot to tell anyone. I try my hardest to meet their loquaciousness halfway, but it's hard to find the words with each and every inquiry. And it would be tawdry of course to say, "I really don't want to talk about it!" Perhaps I could just shut them up with "Hey, you wanna catch a movie? I need to celebrate making it past full term!" The Devil Wears Prada, licorice and a massive diet coke is looking very tempting.

Yes, it has been difficult connecting with my better known facetiousness right now; to find any humor in these circumstances of a baby who suddenly won't budge after every effort was made to keep her from doing so too early. To feel the music. But the effervescence will no doubt return with my waistline.

Just you wait... you won't be able to shut me up, then! :)

23 June 2006

Let's hope this works

Here's a humbling picture. Lol. This would be the "posterior cervix" version of downward facing dog. Yes, Sasha has comfortably wedged herself in front of my cervix. Silly girl. I am trying to get her out of my pelvis so she can drop back in over my cervix, make a good seal and help my contractions do their job. Reading, watching movies, becoming a playscape for my children - all easily accomplished in this position. :)
Good times here!

22 June 2006

Still with child

Just not feeling too great... she's going to take her time. Thanks for all the well wishes! Hope to have something more blogworthy than that very soon. :)

19 June 2006

"There's an upside to prodromal labor"

Yeah! That's what my doula said! And what is the upside you might ask? Generally, a faster active labor.

Well, duh, when your body has been warming up for about 3 months! Ugh.

So, seriously - can this go on for very long? I'm just barely 37 weeks! Update: Friday she dropped. Like a bowling ball into my pelvis (posterior, I might gleefully add)! Thankfully I had an appointment for that afternoon and my OB said for sure I wouldn't make it a week. Oh, and we got to peek at her almost 7 lb. chubby self. :) Yesterday I had contractions every 9-13 minutes apart all day long (except for during my nap whent hey were 17ish min. apart), but they didn't get any closer together than that or stronger. By bedtime, though, my lower back was in a good knot and my inner thighs and butt sore from all the pressure. Today, eh, I'm alright... not as many contractions, but they have gotten stronger. I am totally exhausted.

Whine, grimace, pout!

17 June 2006

A close-up

Here are some close-ups of the nearly complete nursery:

Here is a close-up of my ballooning ankle (Sasha dropped yesterday preventing nearly all lower body circulation):

And here is a close-up of the newly texturized pixie bangs:

My smile wasn't working very well today, so I cut it out of the picture, lol.

I am not sure I will be pregnant much longer. All bets are that she will be here in the next few days! By then I am sure my smile will be working and I will have happy, happy pictures to share. :)

13 June 2006

You asked for it - shortest bangs in the world!!!

No complaints about what a faraway shot this is. One does not need a microscope to notice this hackjob. Oh, and one bonus belly pic included. :)

11 June 2006

Eee gads, more hair choppage

Only I did it to my own head this time! I vaguely remember Daring Young Mom posting about an experience with a mullet. I'm not sure if that was self imposed or not. But yeah, I did this to myself. On purpose. And no, I will not show pictures... of ME. I WILL show you the look I was going for... on the fabulous Ms. Charlize Theron, however.

They are called pixie bangs and I think they're super cute. Just not on me. Perhaps a professional could have achieved the look I was going for. Hmmm, why didn't I think of that before? Oh yes. That is because I am an impulsive hormonal bundle of nerves. :) All my handi-craft-working skills have failed me with this latest project! My confidence is shot; I do believe I have found the limitations of what I can and cannot do.

It will be approximately 3 weeks before my bangs are the length they should be. Oh, nightmarish visions of that 7th grade self trim gone awry. You know, it's okay that we do it to our daughter's hair. We even take pictures! (Oh no - pictures! I completely forgot - our birth annoucement is going to be a video montage. This is much worse than I thought. And now I am crying. Great.)

And here I am FINALLY off bedrest and afraid to leave my home for fear of pointing and laughing, or worse, whispering and stifled snorting!!!

Of course, once I have this beautiful baby in my arms it won't matter, right? I mean, she WILL be the perfect distraction from what isn't growing on top of my head. Right?


I need prayers for speedy hair growth. *SOB*

10 June 2006

Deep breath in, deep breath out

That's what is going on here. No, not panic (quite yet). Or hyperventilation. Just lots and lots of practice! Breathing, labor positions and kegels, oh my!

Today is my last day of bedrest. The hospital bag is packed. The carpet has been steam cleaned (thanks honey). I have lots of cute burp cloths! Lol. But it is anybody's guess when Sasha will arrive. When I reached this point in my pregnancy with Drew (getting out of bed), I slowly and steadily dilated to 6cm over the course of 3 weeks when he was finally born (at 38 1/2 weeks gestation).

My plans for this week are to regain some strength and stamina, first of all. At this moment, I begin to contract the minute I get out of bed in the morning. I am exhausted by the time I've showered, had breakfast and said good morning to my children. So I have a ways to go before I'll be hopping to meet 4 childrens' demands. Then I would like to get the nursery in order. It is still green and blue! If I can get these two things accomplished this week, I will be happy to surrender to nature's course. But I want my week of normalcy first!

I'll check in here and there, but serious blogging isn't a top priority right now. Keep checking in, though! I might still have some random good thoughts for ya. :)

06 June 2006

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man woman mother healthy, wealthy and wise

Today's Wild Card Wednesday idea came courtesy of Andrea. Some of our MOFS were discussing our spirituality today, and how much it has changed since becoming a mother. Before marriage and children it was much easier to remain spiritually focused and find the time for ourselves to do that. We look back at that time now and think "We were stronger then".

I remember that just before I met my husband, I felt like I really had it together. I was so disciplined in reading, no - make that STUDYING, my scriptures every morning, every night, complete with prayer and meditation. I felt solid. I don't have that same "spiritual confidence" now, but I can definitely say I am more spiritually mature than I was then. I think it is inevitable that as we commit ourselves to motherhood and to our beliefs that this change will continue to occur... It can happen faster and we can feel more stable through it all, however, if we are staying close to our Father in heaven via the scriptures and prayer.

If I total up all the small prayers I say in my heart throughout the day, if I think about the number of times I set an example for my children or take the opportunity to share a small spiritual tidbit with them, if I count the times a scripture has come to mind when I needed it, I am reminded that although it SEEMS as if I have slackened, I really have not. My spiritualty has just become more a blended part of my everyday existence. It is no longer just me and the Lord, but me, my children, my husband and the Lord.

That said, I do believe it is important that we make whatever sacrifice necessary to set aside time for just us and the Lord. At our recent Stake Relief Society conference they talked a lot about the old "early to bed and early to rise" adage. I haven't been the best about this lately, but I know it is the secret to getting back in gear in a lot of areas in our lives where we feel that we are falling short... spiritual connectivity as well as physical and mental acuity. Not to mention the attitude that life is worth getting a headstart on, rather than procrastinating and making everything/one wait for you to "wake up".

03 June 2006

and another meme

Handiemom tagged me to do this meme! I may have done it once already, but I can't remember. I think I was also tagged to do another meme last week and can't remember that for sure, either! Lol!

7 things I want to do before I die:
take a trip to Italy and see where my ancestors were from
be a rescue volunteer for beached whales
take my children on a volunteer mission
record my own album
refurbish an old Victorian home
live in a city loft
cruise from Hawaii to Alaska

7 things I cannot do:
daredevil type activities
watch my children suffer
be idle
give up sugar
make divinity :(
hip hop dance, lol

7 things that attracted me to my spouse:
his eyes
his curls
his sensitivity
his integrity
his perservearance
his ambition
his brilliance

7 things I say often:
What's up, buttercup?
I love you to the moon and back!
okey dokey, pokey
I need kisses and hugs.
one, two, THREE!
Hi sweetpea!

7 "authors" I Love (changed from books - see why below):
Anna Quindlen
Sophie Kinsella
Neil A. Maxwell
Henry B. Eyring
Beverly Cleary
Sandra Boynton
Eric Carle

7 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:
I hate to disappoint - but I really do not rewatch or reread things very often. While I may have favorites - I've only seen or read most of them once. I am always wanting something new and different!

7 People I'd like to hear Se7ens From:
melissa (if she'd like)

02 June 2006

Only the strong survive, revisited

I've been picking apart this quote. I love it, but think it has several different applications - particularly in my life.

When I was in college, I had this posted where I could see it every morning... at the foot of my bed. College was not easy for me, but only because I made it hard. I was involved in everything I possibly could be. I about killed myself! And somehow thought that I was proving my strength by doing as much as possible. But I thrived on it. I've always thrived on busyness.

At this time in my life, survival cannot be about busyness. And I cannot define my strength so much by the things I am accomplishing. I am finding that strength is not wrapped up in what you accomplish in life, but how you live it.

Obviously, what I am working towards now is a healthy and safe delivery, preferably at full term. I am tired of thinking of my pregnancy in terms of my uterus, my cervix, risk factors, gestational weeks... so I have made the decision to turn this around and make it about my baby. About bringing Sasha into the world as peacefully as possible. And about not only thriving on this experience but making it into a growing experience.

I've hired a doula and we're doing this naturally. And I am excited about this. Crazy, no? Lol. Apparently the nurse that guided our tour at the hospital this week thought so. She went back to my OB and told her I'd been asking "questions" that would require approval. Good grief. Guess I'd better have signed copies of my birth plan when I arrive at the hospital!

Anyway, I have learned so much about my body and about its natural abilities through others' birth stories and literature and my doula, that I am really looking forward to labor now. And that's a first! I'm also not nearly as ansty for delivery day to arrive as I have been in the past because I'm no longer fed up with pregnancy or ready for it to just be over. (Hopefully I don't eat my words as the time passes :)

I'm now savoring these last weeks and enjoying the new sense I have of preparing for baby's arrival. It's a unique way to end my birthing experience because we are focusing on making it a very calm and peaceful one. I believe it will bring us a great sense of closure and be a lasting and pleasant memory for our whole family. I can feel the power in surrendering to nature's course. In accepting what is. It's like the principle of faith, you may as well throw yourself into it, or it won't benefit you at all.